Tragically Optimistic

My weekend started out pretty tamely. i usually have fir and sat nights off... so that's when i party. Fri i didn't do much of anything. i had a week of normal people sleep to catch up on. Plus i didn't exactly feel my best.

Sat... now saturday is a WHOLE nother story. My bff texted me sometime around noon. I had stayed up all night playing video games but that's nothing new. I said i wanted to go do something for entertainment cuz i was bored and still very very awake. She said she was thinking of buying a laptop (excellent investment, you become addicted!! lol) so i said lets go to Fry's and check out the prices. That we did, then the call of the beast (hunger) was upon us. so we decided to go hit up a cuban restaurant, but then my buddy called and asked if we could take him to AutoZone, i said yes and invited him to a late lunch with us bcuz all three of us are like peas in a pod. I love them, they love me and they love eachother. It's wonderful. anyways, we went and ran his errands plus a few of our own and ended back at the guy's place. we met his new roommates one of which is some kind of producer. Anyway... he made some calls, busted out the liquor and we had ourselves a party. People of his bigger networking circle heard about our little impromptu party and decided to show up after their performances. Now, i live in Vegas.... never have i been to see any of the shows that are down on the strip because of the prices... and the usual resident/local person mentality of "it'll b there later, i'll get to it eventually" well, turns out that i just needed to ait to meet this guy. He knows TONS of the local performers.. acrobats from the Cirque Du Soliel, dancers from various shows, some of the baseball teams guys... OMG it was fuckin amazing...

Everyone got drunk and had an awesome awesome time... by 3am people were dropping like flies.

5 tequila shots, 4 vodka shots, 2 budlights, and one jack and coke later, i found myself cuddled on the floor between and acrobat and her weightlifter twin brother.... Bliss....

I was in St. George a few weeks ago at a church assembly. Nothing new, it was the church that i used to b a part of. Sometimes, I wonder if i should go back. Maybe now that i'm older, it would benefit me more and I'd be able to go for the right reasons. I don't know... I'm not a judgemental person. I accept all for who they've decided they are and have all the respect in the world for those that have accepted themselves to be somthing that i not always socially acceptable or common. And i''ve come to notice that no matter how "open to all people" a church is, there is always a group of people that are not included in whatever salvation that particular church preaches. Or there principles are something that my very logical mind isn't willing to accept. Things need to have a logic and the church needs to have logical answers to all my question, no matter how abstract they are, for me to accept it.None of this whole "well, God wanted it that way and we are too simple in comparison to understand his mind" Blah, if
I were an omnipotent being that decided to make a something in my likeness, to make sentient and to expect it to use it's free will that i gave it to worship me as a God, I would ensure that very few arguments could be made against me. This would include, if giving them instruction, explain why or make reasons for my commands obvious or at least deducible. I wouldn't make them smart enuff to defy me but not smart enuff to understand me.

I've studied many religions form many regions and many different countries. Only one was ever really able to convince me and continue convincing me that it was worth listening to, and had answers to all of my obscure questions.

Amazingly, it was the Jehovah's Witnesses. Now, before you groan and tell me to stop being preachy i'd like to remind you that you are reading this by choice. I'm not forcing anything down your throat and i didn't say that they are the only church worth their salt. I said, that at that point in time and in my life, they were right for me.

Now, i was in that church for about 12 years. Over half of my life dedicated to the One God and his Son. While I am now an inactive member of this church, I do not in any way shape of form regret the time i spent there and the years i spent preaching His word. I had amazing friends, and they and the church helped me through some personally trying times. I don't even want to know what kind of an out of control mess i would be if i had never had them in my life. If nothing else, it taught me massive self control. I am a rebel by nature and probably too open minded for my own good. And while I am not completely carefree of the consequences of my actions, I am not unwilling to face them. To take things as they come, actions now, questions later. I figure myself strong enuff to face anything life throws my way, or the consequences of the havoc i wreak. Sometimes i'm not. But to this day, i have not been broken.

Sometimes i want to return to those more simple days of being in church. Because of what we were taught there, we managed to grow up a little more sheltered and innocent for the chaos of the world.

There are many misconceptions about the Jehovah's Witnesses. Very few of the bad things you have probably heard are untrue. And day after day they face those adversities, prejudices, and hate to try and share their hope for peace and paradise on Earth.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not asking you to listen to them, or even to open the door when they come knocking. I do ask you, politely and respectfully to not hate what you don't understand. I preached for about 10 of those 12 years. I've had hundreds of doors slammed in my face, I've been called  a bitch, a whore, lazy, good for nothing, stupid, and more. I've had a pot of hot (not boiling, thank Jehovah) water thrown on me, I've had hoses turned on me, water balloons too. I've been threatened, mugged, and picked on. But I didn't give up. The sun dried my skin, i picked myself up and the wind dusted me off, and i kept going. Such was my strength and the conviction and the want to share such wonderful news with everyone. But, what i have faced... that was nothing compared to what the JW's in other countries have faced.

It is only because i am a completely nonjudgmental person that i have let myself become inactive.
I refuse to believe that a person who is being true to themselves is not worthy or saveable. That, is where i differ.

Despite this, I will never be of another church. I will never, for another God, do what i did and live through the abuse i have lived through at the hands of haters, what i did in the name of Jehovah. There is no other God for me.

I respect all churches and all beliefs. I ask that mine also be treated thusly.

Update comin soon!

He said he loves me...

Have you ever told a lie a long time ago and built on it so much and told it so often, that even to you it was the truth now? At what point do the lines between a lie and the truth blur? What if it's a partial truth? A little chunk of it is the real part while the rest of the story has been embelished to make you seem a more interesting individual. When it's like that is it truly something wrong? If it never has the potential to hurt someone or b disproved.
The only reason i'm even thinking of this is because I am constantly asked (at least once a day) what tribe i'm from. I find it to be very flattering. Though, because of that constant question, I sometimes wonder how far I would get if I just take it and run. It'd be a very interesting social experiment.

So, I went to the doctor today, he had some advice for me...
I need to do several things... Lose weight, quit smoking, get more excercise, cut down on my sweets consumption, and get more sleep cuz i'm spreading myself too thin. I dunno if I should try to tackle this all at once or do the diet and excercise, then the smoking, or vice versa. Any advice?

My sister and her fam are here to visit this weekend. She lives in california with her fiancee and their 3 kids. 2 are her stepkids. A boy and a girl. And she has a 7 month old son. He's my parents first real grandchild and we all feel like we don't c them near enuff.
I live with my mom and dad and my younger brother. He's 9 years younger then me but he's one of my best friends. Sometimes I wish he was older, but most of the time he's great just the way he is

a customer came in today (i work at a store) and bought a bag of gummi bears. I was feeling awfully silly cuz I was tired so I told him that when I eat gummi bears I like to bite their heads odd first and pretend i'm a dinosaur. RAWR! Lol, expecting at least a smile or a giggle, I was rewarded with a weird look.
:sad face:

I figured that if I want my blog to b interesting and show my real personality, then I need to get away from just talking bout internet boy.
I live in vegas for God's sake...
I haven't really been out much lately, it's a weird combination of lack of money and lack of confidence. Obviously the lack of money is the biggest thing. My lack of confidence is partially from the weight I gained after going thru puberty. Haha, I shot up like a foot and went up like 100 pounds. It's tough to want to go out and c all these pretty girls and never get asked to dance. It's sad.
But, I do have adventures now and then bcuz, like i've said b4 and even tho it's hard to believe, i'm a pretty happy person. So i'll start to tell everyday adventures and random thoughts... More to come

it seems like he and I have thought out our future along the same wavelengths. We agree about so many things it's almost as if we sat down and planned our future out together.
We both want the same number of kids (biological and adopted), we both wanna travel first tho, small wedding, b close to xtended fam among other things. It's crazy... Uncanny almost